Understanding of Child Development

Perfectionist children

Written by: Dr. Hui Long Kit Many parents complain about their children being careless in their actions and messy in their homework. However, if a child is too meticulous and even perfectionistic, it may not necessarily be a good thing. Many 2 to 3-year-old children love playing with toy cars, especially boys. However, some boys don’t enjoy pushing toy cars back and forth. Instead, they prefer arranging multiple toy cars in a straight line or grouping cars with the same color and shape together. They cannot tolerate even one or two cars being out of line or not sorted correctly, insisting on having everything neat and perfect. Most of these children have meticulous thinking but rigid and inflexible personalities, and they may possibly have “Autistic Spectrum Disorder” (ASD). When children start reading and writing in primary school, some diligent and hardworking students will showcase beautiful handwriting in their exercise books, with each stroke as neat as computer printing. However, upon closer examination, one may notice that they press their pen or pencil very hard, causing the ink or lead to bleed onto the next page. Even if they make a small mistake in writing a word, they will erase everything and start over ─ this may indicate some “obsessive traits.” As they grow into adolescents, they may even exhibit symptoms of “Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder” (OCD), such as repetitive handwashing, excessively long baths, or constant checking of objects. Severe cases can significantly impact daily life and social interactions, requiring medical diagnosis and

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How to enhance children’s resilience?

Source: Education expert, Cheung Jok Fong I attended a lecture by “Warrior of Regeneration,” Miss Yeung Siu Fong, earlier. She shared her experience of losing both hands in an accident at the age of nine. However, she did not give up and instead equipped herself more actively. With hard work, she not only became a swimming athlete in the Asian Games but also started art creation by using her feet in place of hands. She successfully enrolled in the Hong Kong Academy of Arts and became an inclusive artist. In 2011, she was selected as one of the “Ten Most Touching Hong Kong Figures” and became a “Hong Kong Spirit Ambassador” in 2013. After the lecture, I asked some classmates for their opinions, and they all expressed that if they encounter difficulties in the future, they will no longer be afraid because they believe that there is always a way to solve things and they want to face difficulties as positively as Sister Siu Fong. Cultivating resilience from an early age In the journey of life, we will inevitably encounter adversities. At that time, how should we face them with the right mentality and approach? Nowadays, parents often invest a lot of effort in their children’s academic performance, hoping that they can “win at the starting line.” However, while pursuing academic excellence, it is equally important to cultivate a spirit of perseverance. Unfortunately, some people choose different ways to escape when faced with difficulties, and some may even be so

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Parents need to learn the “language of love.”

Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education In a study conducted earlier, it was found that nearly sixty percent of children felt that their parents did not communicate with them using the language of love, and nearly half of the parents tended to use authoritarian and indifferent approaches when disciplining their children. In fact, the mode of parent-child communication is crucial for establishing a strong parent-child relationship. In this article, I would like to share the results and recommendations related to this survey. According to research in well-known psychology studies in the United States, parents’ disciplinary styles can be categorized into the enlightened type, which utilizes the “language of love,” and the authoritarian, permissive, and indifferent types, which fall under the category of “non-loving languages.” Based on the responses from children, only forty percent of parents were considered as the enlightened type in the eyes of their children, while one percent fell into the permissive type. The remaining nearly half of the parents were classified as either authoritarian or indifferent types, with the proportions being twenty-seven percent and twenty-two percent, respectively. The survey also revealed significant discrepancies between parents and children’s ideals and realities in three different situations, with academic performance being particularly severe. Sixty-two percent of children expected their parents to adopt an enlightened approach in handling academic performance, but in reality, only thirty-seven percent of parents fell into this category. Similarly, there was a significant gap between parents’ ideals and realities.

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How to use music to learn a language?

Source: Speech Therapist, Miss Carley In order to help children learn a language, parents use various methods. Have you ever considered singing as one of the methods? Music is an international language and is highly engaging for children. We also have many different ways to use music to assist children in language learning. One simple method is called “lyric filling.” This method can be used for children who may not yet be able to speak or can only say a few words. Parents can try using this method. Choose a familiar song that the child knows, such as “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” However, instead of singing the entire song, use a single syllable to sing the entire song, for example, “ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma.” Then suddenly stop and wait for the child to hum or sing the remaining syllable. Parents can encourage the child to vocalize that particular syllable. The second method is to sing action songs with children, which involve movements. For example, the well-known song “If You’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.” You can sing this song with the child while performing different actions. Through this, children can learn different movements and some nouns and vocabulary. Interestingly, music can enhance children’s memory. Have you ever noticed that there are many songs we heard when we were young or many years ago, and even if we haven’t sung them in years, we can still remember the lyrics?

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Setting boundaries is better than trying to prevent children from making mistakes

Written by: Peggy Ho Pui Yee, Founder and Volunteer Executive Director of Good Love Passion Being overly critical is the most common mistake parents make in disciplining their children. The phrase “love deeply, scold severely” reflects the emotions of most parents. Parents often fear that their children will develop any undesirable behavior during their growth, which may have lifelong consequences. Therefore, when disciplining their children, parents often resort to meticulous criticism as a way to remind them. In reality, making mistakes is an essential part of a child’s growth process. As children constantly change and grow, parents need to adapt to their developmental needs and adjust their approach to dealing with their behavior, even changing the way they interact with them. For example, when a child fails to complete their homework on time, parents should calmly handle this common occurrence, as it is an opportunity for the child to improve and grow. Similarly, when a child talks back, it may indicate their emerging independence and critical thinking skills. It doesn’t necessarily mean they lack respect for their parents. As children grow older, they develop their own thoughts, opinions, and perspectives on various aspects of life. They also desire parental acknowledgment. As parents, we may not agree with these behaviors, but even in disagreement, we can understand the underlying needs of our children. This allows us to communicate more effectively with them and utilize appropriate disciplinary methods. “While knowledge can change destiny, attitude determines everything!” Explosive anger and harsh accusations from

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Boys and girls are very different. How do you properly raise children?

Source: LAM Woon-sum, former principal Boys and girls are very different, but we have to be careful not to stereotype them because everyone is unique. But if you ask me about the school opening for both boys and girls in the first year of elementary school alone, there are far more girls crying. It is true that boys and girls grow up with different characters. Of course, principals and teachers in co-educational schools should be aware of this characteristic and not treat them in the same way. This is why I sometimes say that this is important when choosing a school because most schools are co-educational and rarely design a curriculum for gender differences between boys and girls, and unfortunately, the curriculum is more favorable to girls. Their concentration is much better than that of boys, so generally speaking, teachers feel that teaching in girls’ schools is like teaching in heaven when they attend classes. I dare not say the other one is hell, but the challenge is great. Boys’ energy is unlimited; the first thing to do is to release their energy. I always advise parents, “If you have a son, please have more involvement from the father.” It’s really hard for mothers to accompany their children to play soccer and then go cycling every day. As I always say, mother has never been a boy, so she naturally doesn’t understand why he would be like this. His butt just doesn’t stick to the chair, and his feet are

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How can parents deal with a more self-centered child?

Source: Registered Clinical Psychologist, Yiu Fong Lee Many parents find that their children can be quite self-centered. When playing games or interacting with a group, they always want others to follow their rules. For example, a 5-year-old girl insists on playing with building blocks while her friend wants to play with cars. In such a situation, what should parents do? If the child becomes unhappy and self-centered, she may throw a tantrum and refuse to play with others. People may perceive this child as stubborn or temperamental. Here are a few methods that parents can consider to deal with their self-centered child. First, it’s important to acknowledge the child’s emotions. Parents can approach the child and say, “Yes, I understand that you are feeling angry and unhappy right now because you really want to play with building blocks, but the other children don’t want to. Does it make you feel upset that you can’t play with the building blocks?” At this moment, parents can try patting or hugging the child, providing a sense of affirmation and closeness, allowing the child’s emotions to gradually calm down. When the child appears calmer, it’s an opportunity to help her move on to the next step. The second step is called perspective-taking or putting oneself in others’ shoes. Encourage the child to imagine how the other person feels by entering their world or role. Parents can engage in role-playing with the child. For example, if the girl was A and the other child was

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Teaching children to stay away from violence

Written by : Dr. Hui Long Kit In today’s society with advanced information and fast-paced information dissemination, children inevitably come into contact with various healthy and unhealthy information from a young age. For example, social networks are filled with verbal violence, and computer and mobile games are filled with bloody fights and war violence, which may lead to imitative behavior in the next generation. From a biological perspective, violence is an inherent instinct of living beings; otherwise, survival would be impossible in the law of the jungle. Newborn babies are closest to their instincts, but the cultivation of rationality is a matter of upbringing and the responsibility of parents. Parents should try to guide their children to reflect on the harm of violence: Violence cannot solve people’s problems; it can only solve the problems of those who are problematic. We live in a world full of challenges. Since rationality cannot solve all problems, violence certainly cannot. Rationality sows the seeds of civilization, while violence spreads the poison of hatred in society. “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth”? When will the cycle of revenge end? When others have different opinions from you, can you try to think: What common ground do we share? What can we share together? There are no two identical individuals in the world. If violence is used to eliminate others just because they are different from you, the demise of humanity is not far away. Schools teach Chinese history and Western history, and

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Three years old determines eighty? What influences personality?

Written by: Registered educational psychologist, Pang Chi Wah When I arrived at a friend’s birthday party, I saw a group of children milling around, having a good time. In another corner of the living room, several children were engrossed in reading their beloved extracurricular books, completely absorbed in their activity. The distinction between active and quiet children became immediately apparent. Are these traits of being active or quiet innate qualities encoded in our genetic makeup, or are they shaped by the nurturing and parenting methods of our upbringing? Stepping into the nursery room at the hospital, one can witness a variety of behaviors among the infants. Despite their different physical appearances, each baby possesses their own distinctive qualities. Some babies are incredibly active, constantly moving their hands and feet as if riding a bicycle. On the other hand, there are babies who resemble sleeping princesses or princes, spending most of their days in deep slumber, appearing content. These individual characteristics also manifest during feeding time. Some babies are more proactive, eagerly consuming their food, causing concern that they might accidentally choke. Others are quite passive, eating slowly, savoring each bite as if enjoying a gourmet delicacy. Some children, from birth, dislike sleeping and prefer playing all day long. No matter how hard parents try to put them to sleep, their efforts often prove futile, leaving themselves exhausted. However, there are children who, from ages 0 to 6, already exhibit a preference for quietness. They can happily engage in quiet play

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Children often shirk their responsibilities, and parents should be held accountable?

Source: Psychotherapist, Lee Wai Tong Whenever something happens, children will use different excuses to shirk their responsibility toward others. Parents may then scold the child for this, but this may make the child avoid taking responsibility. Faced with this situation, what can parents do? First of all, when parents ask children, “Why didn’t you finish the work?” or “Why don’t you understand?” Parents want their children to take responsibility. But at this time, the child will want to shirk the responsibility and give it to someone else, but at the end of the day, the parents actually want the child to take responsibility. You should know that responsibility starts with the child having the time to make decisions because having the time is called having a sense of autonomy. If children can have a sense of autonomy, they will be more likely to be responsible. For example, if he does not know how to do his homework and is asked why he does not understand, he will say that the teacher did not teach him, the teacher did not teach him well, or that the other students were noisy. At that moment, if parents continue to say that he is not concentrating in class, they will only make the child throw the responsibility further away. So at this point, we need to know how to do better since we are facing difficulties and then work with the child to figure out how to do it. The child will feel responsible

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