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Perfectionist children
Written by: Dr. Hui Long Kit Many parents complain about their children being careless in their actions and messy in their homework. However, if a child is too meticulous and even perfectionistic, it may not necessarily be a good thing. Many 2 to 3-year-old children love playing with toy cars, especially boys. However, some boys don’t enjoy pushing toy cars back and forth. Instead, they prefer arranging multiple toy cars in a straight line or grouping cars with the same color and shape together. They cannot tolerate even one or two cars being out of line or not sorted correctly, insisting on having everything neat and perfect. Most of these children have meticulous thinking but rigid and inflexible personalities, and they may possibly have “Autistic Spectrum Disorder” (ASD). When children start reading and writing in primary school, some diligent and hardworking students will showcase beautiful handwriting in their exercise books, with each stroke as neat as computer printing. However, upon closer examination, one may notice that they press their pen or pencil very hard, causing the ink or lead to bleed onto the next page. Even if they make a small mistake in writing a word, they will erase everything and start over ─ this may indicate some “obsessive traits.” As they grow into adolescents, they may even exhibit symptoms of “Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder” (OCD), such as repetitive handwashing, excessively long baths, or constant checking of objects. Severe cases can significantly impact daily life and social interactions, requiring medical diagnosis and
How to enhance children’s resilience?
Source: Education expert, Cheung Jok Fong I attended a lecture by “Warrior of Regeneration,” Miss Yeung Siu Fong, earlier. She shared her experience of losing both hands in an accident at the age of nine. However, she did not give up and instead equipped herself more actively. With hard work, she not only became a swimming athlete in the Asian Games but also started art creation by using her feet in place of hands. She successfully enrolled in the Hong Kong Academy of Arts and became an inclusive artist. In 2011, she was selected as one of the “Ten Most Touching Hong Kong Figures” and became a “Hong Kong Spirit Ambassador” in 2013. After the lecture, I asked some classmates for their opinions, and they all expressed that if they encounter difficulties in the future, they will no longer be afraid because they believe that there is always a way to solve things and they want to face difficulties as positively as Sister Siu Fong. Cultivating resilience from an early age In the journey of life, we will inevitably encounter adversities. At that time, how should we face them with the right mentality and approach? Nowadays, parents often invest a lot of effort in their children’s academic performance, hoping that they can “win at the starting line.” However, while pursuing academic excellence, it is equally important to cultivate a spirit of perseverance. Unfortunately, some people choose different ways to escape when faced with difficulties, and some may even be so
Parents need to learn the “language of love.”
Written by: Dr. Tik Chi-yuen, Director of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education In a study conducted earlier, it was found that nearly sixty percent of children felt that their parents did not communicate with them using the language of love, and nearly half of the parents tended to use authoritarian and indifferent approaches when disciplining their children. In fact, the mode of parent-child communication is crucial for establishing a strong parent-child relationship. In this article, I would like to share the results and recommendations related to this survey. According to research in well-known psychology studies in the United States, parents’ disciplinary styles can be categorized into the enlightened type, which utilizes the “language of love,” and the authoritarian, permissive, and indifferent types, which fall under the category of “non-loving languages.” Based on the responses from children, only forty percent of parents were considered as the enlightened type in the eyes of their children, while one percent fell into the permissive type. The remaining nearly half of the parents were classified as either authoritarian or indifferent types, with the proportions being twenty-seven percent and twenty-two percent, respectively. The survey also revealed significant discrepancies between parents and children’s ideals and realities in three different situations, with academic performance being particularly severe. Sixty-two percent of children expected their parents to adopt an enlightened approach in handling academic performance, but in reality, only thirty-seven percent of parents fell into this category. Similarly, there was a significant gap between parents’ ideals and realities.
What I do is all because I “love” my child
Written by: Education Expert, Principal Cheung Jok Fong I remember one Sunday when my family and I were at the park for some leisure time. During our visit, I witnessed an incident that I would like to share with everyone through this platform. I noticed a group of people arguing in the park, and one woman’s voice was particularly loud, catching my attention. Curiosity drove me closer to see what was going on. It turned out that a child was feeding the birds with birdseed in the park, attracting a large group of birds to gather on the grass for food. The park manager stepped forward to stop the child, which greatly upset the child’s mother. I overheard the parent say, “Why can’t I feed the birds here? I have the freedom to do so!” The park manager kindly explained that it could affect public hygiene. The discussion continued, and even some other park visitors joined in. The argument became too intense, and the child started crying out of fear. Finally, the mother exclaimed, “It’s just letting the child feed the birds in the park for a while, why can’t we? It’s unreasonable to be so strict.” With that, she angrily took her child and left. I believe this mother’s reaction stemmed from an expression of love. Perhaps she didn’t want to see her child disappointed, so she argued with the park manager, trying to allow her child to continue feeding the birds. Her actions were undoubtedly driven by the
A good son is not hard to find, but a good mother is difficult to come by
Written: New Horizons Development Centre, Registered Educational Psychologist, Pang Chi Wah I once overheard a conversation between two mothers, and I wonder if the readers can relate to it. One of them said, “You’re so lucky! You have a well-behaved baby, but I wasn’t that fortunate…” Some mothers may believe that a child’s behavior is largely determined by their innate qualities. However, the truth is that postnatal nurturing is equally crucial, and a mother’s ability to grasp effective discipline techniques and maintain a stable emotional state can have a significant impact on their child. When a mother wants to criticize or teach her child, she must first ask herself if she truly understands the underlying reasons behind the issue. Is there any room for improvement on her part, or can she find alternative ways to address the problem, rather than attributing everything to “good luck” or “bad luck”? There’s a saying, “When there is a master, there will be exceptional talents.” Many parents hope their children will achieve great success, but in reality, helping an ordinary child to thrive is not difficult, especially in today’s society, which advocates diversified development. Children have more opportunities to showcase their talents. While the past society revered “prestigious” professions like doctors and lawyers, as society transforms, people also appreciate excellence in design, arts, and other fields. Most importantly, as a mother, whether you seize the chance to carefully discover your child’s strengths is crucial. However, good children also need good parents to nurture them.
Happiness is actually simple – enjoy quality time with children
Written by: Marriage and Family Therapist, Child Play Therapist, Lee Wai Chee Everyone hopes to find happiness, and parents are certainly no exception. Many times, parents are even willing to sacrifice their own immediate needs and happiness, hoping to exchange them for their children’s “happy life” in the future. Most parents understand that their children’s future “happiness” is by no means guaranteed one hundred percent. However, many parents believe that not striving today will inevitably lead to failure tomorrow. In addition, the social atmosphere advocates “doing more is better than doing less,” and even considers not doing anything as laziness and passivity. As a result, all parents and children find themselves doing more and more, gradually losing their direction. In online discussion forums, I often see some parents criticizing society and the education system for putting excessive pressure on children, stifling their growth space. However, on the other hand, they helplessly push their children to do various exercises every day, showing their helplessness and sense of powerlessness. The contradictions and dilemmas faced by parents are understandable, but these fears and anxieties can cause parents to easily miss the insights that children give us. When a baby is born, they live a simple, direct, and natural life every day. When they are hungry, they eat; when they are full, they sleep; and when they wake up, they play. They explore the world in their own way and interact with the people around them. They laugh heartily when they are happy and
Children are two different beings at home and school？
Written by: Dr. Szeto Wing Fu, Chairman of the Hong Kong Institute of Family Education A teacher asked me, “Many parents seek my advice on education and disciplining their children. As a new teacher with limited life experience, I often feel inadequate in dealing with complex education policies and child-rearing issues. What should I do?” Every semester, the school arranges one or two opportunities for parents to meet with teachers and discuss their children’s performance at school. As a father, I always strive to attend these meetings together with my wife. After each brief gathering, our son would eagerly ask and want to know what we discussed with the teacher about him. Recently, the teacher mentioned that our son is relatively quiet at school, not very proactive, and often takes on the role of an “observer.” My wife couldn’t wait to say that he is completely different at home, very active and full of “many opinions.” The teacher’s reaction was not surprised but rather smiled continuously, seemingly very accepting of the fact that children can present different sides at home and at school. My wife naturally looked at the teacher with expectant eyes, hoping to get some guidance on how to make our child more proactive in the learning environment. Fortunately, I spoke a few “fair” words, recalling how our son was fearful and often a “lone ranger” when he first started school last year. Over the past year, our evening prayers with our son have always included a request
Regarding the issue of enrolling in preschool, experts will answer you
Source: Education experts Leung Wing Lok and Chiu Wing Tak Question: My daughter is currently in K2, and I want to apply for a private school for her. I plan to start her with tutoring and learning the violin. Is the chance slim? What kind of interest classes or academic classes should she take to increase her competitiveness? Chiu: I think if you choose interest classes, you should consider what type of activities the school prioritizes. For example, many schools have orchestras, dance classes, or singing classes. If your child is learning the viola, her chances might be limited because the demand for viola players is not as high. If she learns the violin, as orchestras usually require many violin players, her chances will be better. Alternatively, learning to dance or sing can also be beneficial. Leung: My opinion is relatively straightforward. Some parents pursue learning less common instruments, thinking that schools might prefer that. For example, learning the harp or African drums. However, I believe it is essential to consider the child’s genuine interests. During the interview process, if the school sees the child’s enthusiasm for that particular instrument or music, it will be a plus. Whether she learns a popular or less common instrument, I think the impact is relatively minor. The most crucial aspect is to let the school see the child’s passion for music. Question: My child is about to enroll in kindergarten, but he is a bit timid and afraid that he won’t speak during
Relax and face evaluations, holistic education is more important
Written by: Education expert, Kenneth Law I still remember a saying about discussing education: “Everyone has experiences, and everyone has something to say.” With the widespread availability of education, parents of kindergarten and primary school students nowadays generally have at least 9 years or more of education experience, right? They often have deep impressions of the joys and sorrows during their teenage years of studying, so when it comes to educational issues, many of them have something to say. I believe that experiences are important, but as society continues to evolve, some experiences need to be reexamined to see if they are still applicable today. For example, with the popularization of education, the focus of education has shifted from emphasizing intellectual development to valuing holistic development. There has been a significant shift from knowledge transmission to the cultivation of learning abilities and the role of assessment measures like examinations. Apart from serving as a screening tool in certain stages, such as secondary school admissions and university entrance, examinations play a major role in understanding students’ learning progress throughout the 20-year educational journey from kindergarten to university. Some people compare assessments to health check-ups because health check-ups can reveal our physical condition, just as school assessments can inform us about students’ learning progress. This analogy is quite apt. If we care about our physical health, should we undergo more health check-ups or focus on doing more exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, and getting enough rest? You might want to think about
Why do children experience recurrent respiratory infections?
Source: Registered Chinese medicine practitioner, Tsui Chak Cheong If a child frequently experiences recurrent respiratory infections, such as frequent colds and coughs, from the perspective of Chinese medicine, it is also caused by deficiency of Qi in the lung and spleen and deficiency of the lung and spleen, leading to a weakened immune system. These children often feel tired due to lung qi deficiency and may lack energy when speaking. If they have spleen deficiency, they may experience loss of appetite or easily have diarrhea. From the Chinese medicine standpoint, the focus is on taking care of the lung and spleen, which involves nurturing their qi to enhance their resistance. If a child has just recovered from an illness but quickly falls ill again or experiences recurrent respiratory infections, it falls under the category of recurrent respiratory infections. For example, after recovering from an illness, the child may catch another cold within one or two weeks, leading to another respiratory infection. From the Chinese medicine perspective, it can be determined as recurrent respiratory infections in children, where the frequency and number of illnesses are higher than average. Or it could be that in the past, it wasn’t like this. Previously, you might have gotten sick three times a year, but this year, it’s possible that within just six months, you’ve already been falling ill every month or once every two weeks. In such cases, it’s possible that there are underlying issues with your child’s health. How can diet effectively prevent
